Jónsi - Go / King of Asgard - Fi’mbulvntr

XL Recordings

Released: April 5th, 2010

An elf from a mystical land writing weird Icelandic children's music.

What the fuck is this shit? It sucks. I'm sorry, I try to keep an open mind when come to music, and I have a pretty diverse taste, but this is just not fun to my ears. NOT INTO IT SORRY. "Animal Arithmetic" is an OK song. This would of sounded great to me if I was eight and it was the soundtrack to some Neverending Story-type movie.

Similar: Sigur Rós, Elves

Rating: 2.5

Seriously wtf is up with Iceland? They were settled by mother-fucking Vikings. What happened? Plus their country looks like a giant metal-video. BRARRRRRG! Fuck this I'm reviewing some Viking shit:

Metal Blade Records

Released: August 18th, 2010

VIKING METAL.

This shit is equally cheesy as the above album. While Jónsi is cheesy musically, King of Asgard sings about Vikings and battles and other LARP shit. But this is better, because most of the time the dude growls in Swedish/Finnish/Norge/whatever so who cares what he's singing about. The music slays. That's all that matters.

There's nothing new here as far as Viking-Melodic-Death-Metal goes. Just some tunes to get you pumped before you sail into the sea to pillage, ride into battle to slay, or play 12 hours of World of Warcraft. These dudes definitely rip-off Amon Amarth though.

Here's an anecdote on Viking Metal: I once went to a VM show in Montreal. It was a hoot, let me tell 'ya. There were kids with CHAILMAIL, HELMS, and fucking DRINKING HORNS, which they were drinking their beers out of. It was the most unintentionally funny show I've ever been too. AND you know what? I had GREAT TIMES. (I'm pretty sure my Elfish friend above's show would not be nearly as entertaining as this show was.)

Similar: Amon Amarth, Emperor, old In Flames

Rating: 7.0

Swans - My Father Will Guide Me Up a Rope to the Sky

Young God Records

Released: September 23rd, 2010

Legendary thundering noise-rock triumphantly returns!

This album is Awesome in the true sense of the word. Powerful. Soulful. Deep. It really is more of a work of creation/destruction than a musical album.

The buildup of the thunderous guitars and storming of noise in the first song "No Words/No Thoughts" sets up the apocalyptic prophecy to be told here. Quiet interludes are sprinkled amongst the crushing cacophonies. What is true with this song is true for the whole album.

Funeral dirges come to mind. Not of a loved one, but of one that is stumbled upon in a foreign land.

As are folk songs of a long forgotten society.

As are the fever dreams the ill, the hallucinations the mad, and the withdrawals of the addict.

This is Noise.

Awesome.

Similar: Harvey Milk, Sonic Youth, Nick Cave

Rating: 9.5

Bad Religion - The Dissent of Man

Epitaph Records

Released: September 24th, 2010

30-year-old West-Coast-style skate punk.

Ok I won't lie: Bad Religion was one of the first punk bands I ever got into. I've probably listened to them for half of my life now. They been around for as long as I've been around on this planet (15 fucking albums now!). So this band has nostalgic meaning for me. And although my tastes have greatly diversified since those snotty, teenage punkrock days, I'll always have a place in my heart for punkrock (hell I'm wearing Subhumans "Religious Wars" t-shirt as I type this).

So I'll always check out a new Bad Religion album when one comes out. Their time Atlantic Records carreer was complete crap (Stranger Than Fiction was OK). But when they returned to Epitaph for The Process of Belief in 2002 (and a reunion with guitarist Mr. Brett) it signaled a comeback of sorts. It was a great album, but since then, the spark they got from the return has waned. Each subsequent album has been lacking. Sure the hooks are there, the whoas, the ooooh, the ahhs, the biting social commentary, and all of the other bag of tricks that the band uses are all there. But its just lacking something.

I find when I listen to The Dissent of Man that I hear bits and pieces of the entire Bad Religion back catalog. There's some Suffer-era guitar noodling, Recipe for Hate hooks, and more recent melodic output. The album is an ok listen. There is some standout tracks like "The Resist Stance", "Meeting of the Minds" and "Turn Your Back on Me" but for the most part, there isn't anything here you haven't heard before.

And if you haven't listened to Bad Religion, you should pick up 1989's No Control. Amazing shit.

Similar: Pennywise, Ramones, The Clash

Rating: 6.5

3 New EP's out of T.O.!

So in order to give some props to the local scene here in Toronto, here's three (fairly) recent EP (of the 12" and 7" varieties) reviews:

The Bitters - Have a Nap Hotel 12" EP

Sacred Bones Records

Released: Um summer 2010 I think.

Great Garage-Rock-Pop, with the perfect mix of tape-fuzz.

The Bitters are a dude (Ben Cook from Fucked-Up) and a girl (Airen Fogel) that make great pop that is while on the one hand refined with synths, melodies, and pop-structures, on the other hand the music is rough, dynamic and jarring due to the nice layers of tape-fuzz. This 5-song EP is excellent and is definitely worth picking up.

Similar: Dum Dum Girls, Vivian Girls, X

Rating: 9.0

Mellenial Reign - Bones Dust Nothing 7" EP

A398 Recordings

Released: September 10th, 2010

Brutal Cleveland-Style Hardcore/Metal.

This 7" was actually recorded a few years ago and has finally been shown the light of day on A398 Recordings. Speaking of Fucked Up: the band consiststs of Damien (of FU, Fox News, being an awesome dude), Jorden and Jesse (of No Warning). This band is three dudes fucking around and playing homage to Integrity, Ringworm and the whole Cleveland brutal-ass hardcore scene. I fucking love this shit. Plus "Moore's Law" is a great song and great subject matter.

Similar: Fucked Up, Integrity, Ringworm

Rating: 8.0

Little Girls - Thrills 12" EP

Mexican Summer Records

Released: Sometime in 2009.

Fuzzed-Out, Stripped-down post-rock and shoegaze.

This band has been getting quite the buzz on the internets lately. It has that whole super-tape-fuzz kind of sound of all the other "shit-gaze" (or whatever) bands that were popular last year. Frankly the layers of fuzz (while I love lo-fi) are a bit distracting, from the actual songs, which on this 5-song EP are just ok. "Pigeon Lady" is a good song though. If you're going to go for a lo-fi sound, the songs need to rise above the tape hiss (J&MC and GBV did this the best).

Similar: Blank Dogs, Times New Viking, Joy Division

Rating: 6.5